” I’m sensitive and I’d like to stay that way”
For many of us, those words bring to mind that sweet melody written by folk singer ‘ Jewel’. There was a period in my life when her ‘ Pieces of You’ CD was the ONLY CD I owned. I would listen to it at night, in the bathtub, walking around the neighborhood.. everywhere. To be honest, that time of my life was the lowest it ever was, and her raw, and many times depressing songs did not help. ANYWAY.. that’s not what this is about.
I am sensitive.
To many people, sensitivity is seen as a weakness, an inability to have control over your emotions. Let’s see what our friend Webster has to say about the word “sensitive”..
” receptive to sense impressions: delicately aware of the attitudes and feelings of others; capable of indicating minute differences…”
I also used to view sensitivity as a weakness and did my best to harden myself to the emotions that I was constantly encountering. I would think to myself, “Surely, experiencing emotions so frequently, and sometimes on such intense levels must indicate instability and immaturity, somewhere ” up there”.
But God. Oh God. He’s the best at taking what we think is a mess, and making sense, beauty and purpose come from it.
Can I just tell you!! PLEASE!
I recognized the VALUE in emotions when I began experiencing God’s emotions. He has very intense emotions for you and me, the people around us, and the world we live in.
Experiencing the heart of God towards myself and others is like a drug. It’s overwhelming, surprising, humbling and leaves you wanting MORE, because you know there is SO much more!
” You can’t truly love until you first know God’s love for you”
I heard that so many times in my life and never agreed with it until now. You know why? Because I was struggling with knowing the love of a Father, and quite honestly, never thought I would ever understand that side of God. It was an “angle” of the personality of God that I had given up on understanding. I got the ” Savior, Lover,Friend” etc., but Father… that was a foreign concept.
Through our relationship, God starting introducing Himself to me as Daddy. He was gentle and sensitive towards me as He knew I was scared and unsure of even approaching the subject. I began to experience the overwhelming times of intense emotion coming from and towards Him. It literally left me breathless and sobbing. Many times it would happen as I sat at my piano, worshipping Him. I worshipped Him as Creator, Savior, Master, King and would want to honor Him with my worship…but he would surprise me and love on me as Father. I can’t tell you how many times my tears would pour over my fingers on the keys and I would literally lay on my piano, completely undone my the intense, emotional exchange between God and myself. It’s in those moments that the reality of God was forever branded in me. It’s in the relationship, the intimate exchange.
Through these experiences, I began to find that God actually delighted in my expression of emotion towards Him, and why wouldn’t He? We were created to LOVE and be in relationship with Him.
I couldn’t help but start viewing sensitivity and emotions as a good thing, because that was one way God was communicating with me. As I draw closer to God, I notice different emotions at different times and can’t help but think that God DESIRES for me to experience them, He want me to know how He feels. He wants me to know His heart.
To know the heart of God is the key. When there are situations in life that seem to take advantage of our humanity and overtake our emotions, we can always “check ” them with the heart and Word of God. ” Do these feelings line up with God’s heart, His Word?” If not, then we know that we need to push the “Reset” button, as hard as that may be. Many times we don’t even stop to think about God’s view on the situation. And for those times, I just have to keep asking Him “God, please, teach me Your ways, make me sensitive to Your voice.”
A while back I wrote this song called ” Prayer for Humility” Some of the lyrics are:
“Break my wings so I will learn to let You carry me. Silence my lips so my heart can hear Your voice. Bring me low so my eyes can only look higher. Take my strength away so I’ll learn to truly trust You.”
It’s a cry to be completely dependant on God. When You are completely dependant on God, you have no choice but to learn the whispers, the cries, the wooing and the fluctuations of the Father’s voice.
Now, when I feel my emotions rising up, I check them with God. ” Are they YOUR emotions God, or my own? ” You would be surprised by how easily the answer comes.
There’s nothing I crave more than my Father’s attention and that open “line” to just express ourselves to each other. It is the most fulfilling, peaceful, REAL and healthy thing a person can do. But in order to get close to God, we have to be willing to experience, express and feel. It’s all in the nature of our Daddy, and I love Him even more for it!