” Hey! How’s it going?”
“I love you.”
” Have a nice day.”
Something that so severely irks me is how flippantly we greet and converse with one another. We say ” Hey, hows it going?”, as we walk past the person while not even stopping to receive an answer nor even make adequate eye contact. It’s not just that greeting, but so many others… and not even just greetings, but conversation in general. It seems that so many conversations are less than purposeful, with even less authenticity.
I was hanging out with one of my friends, who happens to be 10 yrs old, and noticed something in her room. She had a book of quizzes. Quizzes that are just questions kids would take turn asking and answering. Questions like ” If you could meet any celebrity, who would it be and why?” or “Mountains or Beaches?” or ” What are you afraid of?” These questions may seem insignificant and a waste of time, but to be honest, I want to steal that little girls book! This was a tool! A tool to provoke conversation and identify qualities, characteristics and personalities of those involved. I think we’ve gotten away from good ol’ purposeful and intentional conversation. How I long to ask the serious, silly,deep, not so deep questions that help me learn who people are! What would it look like if two friends sat down, each with a list of questions that they came up to ask the other person, and they just went down the list and let conversation evolve organically? How awesome would that be?! There are some people in my life right now who Im aching to have purposeful conversations with. I want to KNOW them. Even though we may pass often and cordially greet each other and possibly hang out with a group of mutual friends, my desire to know them is not satisfied.
When people have said ” Hey! Hows it going?” I usually pause to see if they really mean it? Why would I actually answer them if they don’t really care? And yes, I have even gone to the length of asking them.. ” Do you really want to know, or are you just greeting me?” It takes them back a second, but at the same time I can see the light inside going on asking ” Did I really mean it?”.. and ‘I need to pay attention to what Im saying.” I have made it a habit now that I don’t ask anyone unless I can stop doing whatever Im doing and look at them in the eyes and make time for their answer and my response. It’s purposeful and intentional conversation.
That may all seem a little “relationally intense”, but I have just gotten to a place in my life where Im sick of shallow, pointless and unfruitful relationships. What about you? Let’s pick one person that we want to get to know better and ask them out on a “friend date”. And while on this friend date… be intentional about what you’re saying, asking and talking about! Vulnerability and authenticity are the ingredients for life changing relationships.
That’s what Im craving.